I just can't win.

Hey guise.

So, as most of you know, I'm HOMESCHOOLED!!! But, next year my mom is basically just giving up on her 'juvenile delinquents' (aka my brothers and I) and is forcing us to all go to a 'public' school. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! So, for some reason, she feels the need to remind me every day of how disappointed she is in us and how her dreams of homeschooling were so great and what high hopes she had. And for some reason its now all 'my fault'. -.-
I mean, i always thought I was a good student to her. I tried to be the perfect kid, all for her so she'd like me and not be disappointed. And after she announced that she gave up on us, I've been trying extra hard to make her proud. So I've been trying my hardest to love learning, like the ideal and imaginary and completely nonexistent daughter would. Which, I'm a bit ashamed to say, I've actually converted myself to that. I now love learning. In everything but my heart. See, it just doesn't feel right, like that's NOT ME! And what kinda normal kid DOES love learning?!?! Anyway, now I've been trying to make it seem like all I'm about is school and learning and being well educated. And yet, she STILL blames the whole 'dream destroyed' thing on me.
So one day I said that if I were her, I'd freaking appreciate what I'm trying to give her. And she says she does appreciate it. LOL OKAY, could've fooled me.

So its like she has two sides...one is apparently glad with me and knows I'll succeed in public school, and one side hates me and hates who I am and thinks the whole public school thing is my fault...y'know, since I'm the one trying to make things alright and be a good daughter and everything.

*sigh* you know, sometimes I'm jealous of guys for multiple reasons, and wish I was a boy...until I remember, they have to deal with WOMEN. *shudders*
(Sorry for the long post it's just I'm really really mad and don't know what else to do. But this is more of a rant than anything else really.)

She's doing it again...I just told her that I really wanna start doing more extra classes and just try and be the best that I can...do all I can with my life. And I'm not faking it, I really wanna do a lot. But next year i won't have school funds to do extra stuff, and she said we can't afford anything else. Which I know is true,
. since its me and not one of my brothers and their sports, we can't afford it. But she just looked so sad and disappointed with me...I can't do this anymore.
When I was little, I always had an escape. I'd build toys put of household objects, or just lay under my bed and cry, or when all else failed, I'd just stare up the street and dream of freedom. But that's all gone now, and I don't have a way to cope. Sure, I'll draw out what I'm feeling, but I don't even know what to draw about this.
And there's no song to play on the piano that is about your mom being disappointed in you.

I know you all probably think this is a stupid situation and that I'm being 'dramatic' but whatever. Think what you want. I don't need replies I just need to get it out.

No, I know what you're feeling.

My relatives seem extremely disappointed with me when i excelled in History and literature, and not the "important" subjects, math and science, or when i decided to play tennis, and basketball, not football and baseball, though my "problem" is not related to you.

The only advice I give, and pardon for my cursing, is to simply not give a flying fuck. Become, not so heartless, but heartless enough to really not care what anyone else thinks of you, of those who try to put you down.

It works for me, you just need to have that mental strength, and if you're mentally weak(not retarded) then It's hard to do, but I think you can do it.

And, you should really talk to your mother about this, and be completely honest. Tell her how much she's hurting you, or talk to your school councilor to arrange something between you guys or some stuff.

Know what I'm saying?

And, about the guy thing, you can always like guys if you want to be a guy

That's what I do.

Guys I like, not the femineme kind, are normal and cool and NOT FULL OF BS AND DRAMA like the average girl is, with their weird-ass logic of, "I don't want a guy to like me for my looks, but they have to be hot." or, "I'm so fat, i'm ugly, but if someone tells me otherwise, then it's not true".

Guys are very simple and lovable with good butts.

But, all jokes aside, really, talk to your mother about the problem, because talking it out to her, and not us, will do much more. I'm not saying that talking to us is bad, it works, and I suggest you do because I can help you, but do both. Talk to us about it, and your mother.

Sometimes you just have to sit back and remind yourself that, "Hey. I'm a teenager. I'm not a drug addict. I go to school. I can make decisions for myself. I'm not an alcohol addict. I turned out pretty damn great."

Some teens can't say that. They've turned to drugs, they dropped out of school, they depend on others to control their lives.

Your mom just doesn't realize how lucky she is that she has a daughter who can say all of that.

I know it's hard, but you have to just kinda forget about what your mom thinks. In 10 years, when you've moved out, are going to college, probably in a relationship... She'll regret the fact that she didn't treasure you when you were under her wing.

You can't exactly talk to your mom about this. 99.9% when you try to talk to your parents about a situation, they either brush it off or don't offer any real advice.

You don't have an escape? Find one. Walk calmly out of the house, go outside, and go for a walk. Sometimes, I run out and climb a tree in the backyard, or go hide in the creek for a while. Good thing about being young;; you can run a lot faster than your mom

Girls are bitchy. I'll say that. But if you find the right ones, you'd be surprised at how non bitchy some can be.

Stop trying to impress your mom, because she should except who you really are. You said your mom views your website, right? Why don't you show her your post, if you really want to address the issue with her?

man up .

ogodogod imsorryimsorry tha was completely uncalled for ^